Crucifix
by tir-synni
Summary: A tainted priest and a worn gunman lost in thought concerning their lives . . . and a painfully familiar smile. WxV, KxV


Title: Crucifix  
Author:tir-synni  
A/N: Not beta'd WxV, KxV Queensryche inspired ficlet.

_She said if she was alone, any place was the same.  
__You always smile all cheerfully . . . but it's so _empty_, it hurts to look at you.  
__I'm right next to you; I won't leave you all alone!  
__I wasn't able to help the most important person of all._

_**I see you hurtin' . . . and grinnin' just to bear it.**_

No matter how hard I try . . . I still can't learn when or how to say good-bye.  
I'm still learning why.  
I've been told I stand outside of time, watching you grow and live and die, but it doesn't feel that way to me. Even if this butterfly doesn't age, the dust on my wings grows colder and thicker, and with everyday, it gets harder to fly.

_Moonlit twilight, Mary's palms kissing in the dying light  
__False prayers on holy lips  
__Singing hymns to uncaring myths  
__Whispering pistols, hissing smoke  
__Pray little Mary  
__Pray Virgin Mary  
__Let those palms kiss in the twilight_

So long ago, She died. To this day, I'm not sure what she was to me. Some would call her a surrogate mother. I've lived among humans for more than a century, but I'm still struggling with the concept of familial ties. Knives bragged to me–so long ago–that it was another sign of our superiority over humans, that we weren't bogged down by their physical and emotional weaknesses. I pointed out that he was my brother, and didn't he love me? He silenced me with his lips, telling me never to compare what we felt for each other to those pathetic spiders again.  
Once Brad compared Wolfwood and I to brothers. I only smiled and changed the subject. I never could quite grasp the concept of incest either beyond the genetic implications. Fortunately for me, most humans never quite grasped the full meaning of my smiles.  
He did. She did. He does.  
. . . She does.

_Virgin thighs spread in holy sacrament  
__Crimson lips parted in hallowed smiles  
__We're dancing with the saints tonight  
__Virgin Mary, light your fire  
__A homing beacon for your sheep  
__With your smile, light the night  
__And look away from your sacrifice_

There was something about you. I can't quite explain it. You saw through my smile, you knew its meaning. I wish I could hate you for that. That's mine, you know? My protection, my sanctuary. You tore that from me, when I had no right to tear anything from you. Others who know your story–my story–might argue, but that's missing the point, isn't it?  
I think I see myself in your smile. What do you see in mine?

_After all this time, what's it worth?  
__. . . Where will it end?  
__Your life's full of nothing but trouble.  
__You're "Chapel," correct?_

_**Once again, I'm staining my own hands with blood.**_

Prayers fall like dust from my lips. I feel tainted with every word.  
Heh. Maybe it's because I'm fuckin' tainted. I'm drowning in my sin, a priest whose gun speaks prayers more eloquently than his lips.  
Is that blood behind me? Is that my imagination? Blood, drenching the sand. Is that my blood? Perhaps that's why I feel so cold.

_Mary, Mary just a whore for the underground  
__They made you pay in guilt for your salvation_

For some reason . . . lately . . . I'm always cold. I've been even colder since I've seen the warmth of your true smile.

_Mary, sweet lady of pain  
__Always alone  
__Blind you search for the truth_

I was there . . . I saw Augusta. I thought I saw God. God's rage. I earned it, Mankind earned it. So why, when I think of you, can I only see that damned smile?

_I see myself in you, parallel lives  
__Winding at light-speed through time_

I saw myself in your smile.

_The sins of man are all I taste  
__Can't spit the memory from my mind  
__I can't cry anymore_

And the Lord help me, but I can't tell you which smile of yours haunted me more.

_Midnight . . . she sings praises in the Hall  
__To saintly faces hallowed be their names she can't recall  
__Sister Mary, virgin Mary, silent with her sin_

For the first time, despite all I know the master can do, what that madman can do, all the blood and death I've seen, I believed. And I believed a hell of a lot more than that with each true, rare smile that tinged your lips.  
What the hell do I believe? I don't know.

_BloodAndThunderDiabloFragileScarsSlaughterCafeGatheringoftheDevilsEyeofInvisibilityFifthMoon_

_UnderASkySoBlue_

_UnderASkySoWhite_

_Rem_

_HighNoon_

"Is this from the Hand of God?! Answer me!!! Vash the Stampede!"  
"Rem . . . Rem . . . I . . . We . . . Maybe . . . should never have been . . . born."

_Distant aqua eyes watches a dark-haired figure walk away.  
__A holy killer wonders who he just left behind._

"What a strange guy."  
"Yeah. . . ."

_Are you still out there, waiting for me? Do I even want to know anymore? Why do I care?  
__If I shoot him now . . . then she'll die.  
__This one . . . is yours. And this one . . . is yours. Then, then one . . . is mine. It's not much, but will it do?_

Come what may, you can just ask your heart with all your might for the right thing to do.

"I see myself in your smile . . . and for some reason, that pains me even more."


End file.
